paragonsoldier

Shepard shuts the Door behind her a little harder than necessary and scans the bar. She hopes Kaidan's here. She was going to write him an e-mail, a final farewell in case she doesn't get back from this mission. But she keeps writing a few words and deleting them, over and over again. She has to talk to him in person.

Please, God, let him be here.

The chamber is large, compared to the small corridors Shepard's been in so far or to anything on the Normandy. The floor is surfaced with grass, crisscrossed by walkways; there are large planters filled with lush vegetation at the edges of the room; in some places, vines creep up and down the walls.

Directly ahead is a sunken amphitheater full of quarians, a patchwork of environment suits in different colors. At the bottom of the amphitheater is a stage, with a raised dais on top of that, both edged with railings. Three quarians stand on the stage facing the crowd - two males and a female.

"The one on the right is Han'Gerrel vas Neema," Tali whispers to Shepard as they make their way towards the amphitheater. "In the middle is Zaal'Koris. The last one...she's new, I don't recognize her." And, of course, there is Shala'Raan, taking her place on the dais behind and above the other three Admirals.

"I don't see my father," Tali says in a strained whisper as she and Shepard descend the amphitheater steps, the eyes of the crowd intently on them. There's a narrow waist-high table on the very floor of the amphitheater in front of the stage; Shepard guesses that's where she and Tali are supposed to stand.

As Shepard and Tali step up to the table - the courtroom bar, whatever it is - Raan spreads her arms and intones, "This conclave is brought to order. Blessed are the ancestors who kept us alive, sustained us, and and enabled us to reach this season. Keelah se'lai."

"Keelah se'lai, the audience responds in hushed, reverent unison.

Raan places her hands on the railing in front of her and settles her gaze on Tali and Shepard. "The accused, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, has come with her captain to defend herself against the charge of treason."

The Admiral in the middle - the one in an off-white suit with red accents - raises his hand and earns. "Objection! A human has no business at a hearing involving such sensitive military matters!" Of course someone was going to bring that up. At least they can get it out of the way quickly.

"Then you should not have declared Tali crew of the Normandy, Admiral Koris," Raan says matter-of-factly. "By right as Tali's captain, Shepard must stay."

Admiral Koris lowers his hand, chagrined. "Objection withdrawn."

Raan picks up where she left off. "Shepard vas Normandy, your crew member Tali'Zorah stands accused of treason. Will you speak for her?"

Shepard takes a deep breath, places her hands on the narrow table before her as she addresses the Admirals. "If it helps Tali, I will," Shepard answers, using the same tone of voice she uses when making announcements to her crew. "But in her heart, she remains Tali'Zorah vas Neema, a proud member of the Migrant Fleet." She adds, with forceful emphasis not exactly directed at Admiral Koris, "I regret that her captain is forbidden to stand at her side today."

Koris wags a stern finger at Shepard. "Nobody has been forbidden from anything! It is a simple..."

Han'Gerrel, the Admiral in the toffee-colored suit to Koris's left (Shepard's right) pipes up. "Lie to them if you must, Zaal'Koris, but don't lie to me and expect me to stay silent!" he snaps. "The human is right!"

Raan leans over the dais railing like she's getting ready to break up a hair-pulling match between small children. "Admirals, please. Shepard's willingness to represent Tali'Zorah in this hearing is appreciated." She straightens up and steps back. "Tali, you are accused of bringing active geth to the Migrant Fleet. What say you?"

For a second Shepard's not sure she heard that right. The gasps and murmurs from the audience indicate they're just as surprised as Shepard herself is.

"How could Tali have brought geth to the fleet while serving on the Normandy?" Shepard fires back.

The last Admiral, the woman in the dark grey environment suit who Tali didn't recognize, takes it upon herself to straighten out the misunderstanding. "To clarify, Shepard, Tali isn't accused of bringing back entire units - only parts that could spontaneously reactivate."

"But I would never send active geth to the Fleet!" Tali insists, an edge of panic in her voice. "Everything I sent was disabled and harmless!" (The fact that she sent back anything is news to Shepard.)

"Then explain how geth seized the lab ship where your father was working!" Koris demands.

Murmurs and exclamations of shock run through the audience. Shepard feels an icy band contract around her insides - not just because she herself is surprised by the news, but because Raan very obviously isn't. She knew, Shepard realizes, and she didn't tell us before the trial.

"What are you talking about?" Tali asks. "What happened?"

"As for as we can tell, Tali," Gerrel says apologetically, "the geth have killed everyone on the Alarei - your father included."

"What? Oh, keelah..." says Tali, at the same time Shepard thinks Oh, shit...

Shepard's initial shock is swiftly replaced by anger. If geth have taken over a Fleet ship, then what the hell are they playing at here? "I appreciate the need for this trial, Admirals," Shepard lies with forced patience, "but right now our first concern must be the safety of the Migrant Fleet. The Normandy stands ready to assist in whatever capacity necessary."

"Thank you," Raan says, but in a tone that indicates she's not going to take Shepard up on the offer. "Quarian strike teams have attempted to retake the ship, so far without success."

"Shepard," Tali insists, "we have to take back the Alarei!"

"The safest course," Koris says, "would be to simply destroy the ship. But if you are looking for an honorable death instead of exile..."

Tali wheels on Koris, furious. "I'm looking for my father, you bosh'tet!"

Whatever that was, Shepard's translator didn't process it. But judging by the gasps and exclamations from the crowd, it's a pretty nasty insult.

"Order, please!" Raan says firmly. When the crowd quiets down, she addresses Tali and Shepard. "You intend to retake the Alarei from the geth? This proposal is extremely dangerous."

And yet, Raan doesn't seem to be discouraging them from taking that option. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Shepard goes along with it, because what else can she do? "With your permission, Admirals, yes. The good of the Fleet must come first - and Tali needs to find her father."

"Agreed," Gerrel says with a nod. Shepard wonders if he and Raan worked this all out beforehand. "And if you die on this worthy mission, Tali, we will see that your name is cleared of these charges."

"We can discuss that later," Koris growls through gritted teeth.

"Then it is decided," Raan says. "You will attempt to retake the Alarei. You are hereby given leave to depart the Rayya." She indicates one of the exits of the garden plaza. "A shuttle will be waiting at the secondary docking hangar. Be safe, Tali. This hearing will resume upon your return, or upon determination that you have been killed in action."

Shepard nods at Raan, then looks at Tali, at a loss for what to do next. But Tali's answering gaze contains no hints, only desperation. Fortunately members of the quarian audience give Shepard a cue by standing up from their seats, striking up conversations with those around them, or both. Evidently court is adjourned - for now. Shepard cocks her head towards the amphitheater steps by which she and Tali came in, and heads that way herself. Tali, after a last look at the Admirals (now conversing or arguing amongst themselves), follows.

The two reconvene outside the amphitheater, just far enough away not to impede the slow but steady stream of departing quarians. Some are leaving the garden plaza altogether, but many are staying, breaking into little groups and no doubt discussing the trial.

"Thank you for agreeing to take back the Alarei, Shepard," Tali says. She seems calmer now, which comes as a relief to Shepard. "The Admirals sound sure that my father is already dead, but..." She sighs wearily. "I don't know. We won't know anything until we get there."

Shepard must regretfully agree with the Admirals, but she can't bring herself to destroy Tali's fragile hopes, unrealistic though they may be. Not after that whole trial fiasco. "How are you holding up?" she asks sympathetically. "They just threw a lot of fire at you, even before telling you about your father."

"I knew this would be bad," Tali answers, "but I guess you're never really prepared to be charged with treason. And my father..." She looks down and away. "I don't know. He could still be alive. They don't know for certain that he's dead," she adds, both hope and dread in her voice. "I just don't know, Shepard. And I need to find out."

"Is there anyone here you want to talk to before we go?" Shepard asks. It's a suggestion as well as a query; Tali's eager to head for the Alarei, but this is their last chance to obtain the information they need to prepare for the remainder of the trial. Assuming they make it back from the Alarei. If they don't...well, in that case this is Tali's last chance to say her goodbyes.

To Shepard's relief, Tali doesn't reject this course of action. "We can talk with the Admirals," she says, a bit of her usual confidence returning. She looks over her shoulder. "It might help us to see what their viewpoints are. But I doubt we'll change anyone's mind by talking to them privately."

"It's worth a shot," Shepard says. But it's a long shot.

* * *

They spot Admiral Shala'Raan first, which is well and good since Shepard wants to ask her why she didn't let Tali know about her father's circumstances before the trial started. Tali beats Shepard to the punch, though, stalking up to Raan with a loud accusation that makes the two women talking to the Admiral quickly decide that they have other places to be. "You set me up, Shala! You told Captain Danna not to say anything. I don't hear that my father may be dead until in the trial?" Tali finishes with a heartbroken, "Why?"

"The Admirals needed to hear the shock in your voice, Tali," Raan says regretfully. "Otherwise, they might not have let you try to retake the Alarei. That is your best chance at recovering evidence that can exonerate you. I'm sorry. We cannot afford sensitivity, Tali."

Shepard has to admit that Raan has a point - but that was a terrible thing to do to someone who calls you Auntie. I know you're trying to help her, Admiral," she says, "But that was over the line."

Raan spreads her hands in protest. "She has nobody else to speak for her, Shepard. I am doing everything in my power," she insists. "That's what her father would have wanted."

"Don't say it like that," Tali interjects. "He could still be alive on that ship."

Raan neither affirms nor dashes Tali's hopes. She only says, "You should get to the Alarei soon. Is there anything else I can tell you?"

Shepard doubts they'll be in time to save Tali's father - but the Alarei may provide what she needs to save Tali. "What kind of evidence will carry weight with the Admirals?" she asks.

"Tali," Raan says gently, "you admitted to sending geth parts to your father for his project."

"Yes. But never anything that could have come back online on its own," Tali insists. "I took every possible precaution!"

Shepard winces inwardly, because she knows that Tali's probably thinking, At least I thought I did. But maybe I didn't...

"Then find records of your shipments and the experiments," Raan advises. "Something that proves you were careful." She continues, sadly, "Something that proves that this is all just a terrible accident that nobody could have foreseen."

"There seemed to be some other arguments going on among the Admirals," Shepard observes.

Raan nods, a little embarrassed. "You caught that. Yes, the geth presence makes this a touchy issue. The Admiralty Board is trying to determine whether to focus on colonial development...or attempt to retake the homeworld."

"You're thinking of war?" Tali asks, shocked. "With the geth?"

Raan shakes her head. "I'm not, Tali. But others are."

"I know the Migrant Fleet is formidable," Shepard says, "but even you can't take on the geth."

Raan begins pacing back and forth, agitated, and Shepard realizes she's gone over this ground many times before. "We grow tired of wandering the stars, Shepard. We want our world back." Raan stops to look around the plaza, the closest thing the Fleet has to a natural environment. "We have paid enough for our mistake. I'm not giving you my opinion." She shoots Shepard a look over her shoulder. "I'm telling you which way the wind is blowing."

That makes Shepard uneasy, but she puts it aside - she has another problem at hand. "What can you tell us about the Alarei?"

Raan shrugs. "Not much, I'm afraid. Rael'Zorah only said that he was researching new defense technology."

"He told me only that he needed any geth parts or pieces that I found," Tali says, shifting restlessly. "I assumed he was testing weapons on geth components."

"We knew nothing until the Alarei sent a distress signal, then went dead," Raan explains. "We didn't even know about the geth until a boarding team was attacked."

Oh, great. "You're saying there's no data about the inside of the ship," Shepard says, just to confirm that things are at least as bad as she thinks they are.

"That's exactly what I am saying," Raan answers gravely. "The marines who survived and escaped saw bodies in the halls. We must assume the worst."

"No," Tali insists. "We don't."

Raan obviously can't give them any further help - and Shepard doesn't want this conversation to turn into an argument, which it almost certainly will if given the chance. "We should move on," she says to Tali. Tali nods grudgingly in response.

"Good luck on the Alarei," Raan says, in a tone that suggests she doubts there's any good luck to be had.

* * *

They're searching the garden plaza for the next Admiral when they see a familiar face. Well, environment suit.

"Kal'Reegar!" Tali calls out to him, displaying the first good cheer Shepard's seen from her since she recieved her summons from the Admiralty Board. Reegar looks up at the sound of Tali's voice and waves to her; they meet in the approximate center of a square of grass not much larger than the Normandy's CIC.

"Shepard. Tali'Zorah," Reegar greets each of them in turn. "Good to see you both. Wish it were under better circumstances."

"What did they get from our readings?" Tali asks, and Shepard experiences a moment of confusion before she remembers Haestrom.

"Damndest thing. It's just like they said," Reegar answers. "No way the sun on Haestrom should have been acting that way."

"So that dark energy theory is right?" Tali asks hesitantly. "That's troubling."

Reegar shifts uneasily. "Can't really comment on that, ma'am." He shrugs. "I just shoot things."

"How've you been, Reegar?" Shepard asks. In spite of the circumstances, she can't help but be glad to see him again. "You took kind of a beating on Haestrom."

"Physical damage wasn't bad," Reegar says nonchalantly. "I was down for about a week with infection, though. Figure I got off easy." He adds, cheekily, "I don't have to face those Admirals."

"With your immune systems, it couldn't be easy for quarians to fight a war," Shepard says. "You'd lose more people to infection than injury."

"We can't afford a front-line attack, that's for sure," Reegar admits grudgingly. "Have to fight smart - ideally from orbit."

"We do have stockpiles of antibiotics," Tali interjects, amused at Shepard's concern. "It's not as though everyone would die from a single shot."

"No," Reegar tells her, "Shepard's right. You've only seen our strike ops, Tali. Don't have all the fancy equipment in a front-line fight. Supplies get strained, things get ugly fast."

Shepard doesn't know for sure if this statement will touch off a dispute between Reegar and Tali, but just in case, she tries to get the conversation on a different track. "You said that your mission had something to do with dark energy?"

Reegar nods. "Right. Remember Dholen, Haestrom's sun? Shorted out everything, way too much radiation? The sun's getting old...only it's not. Dark energy. It's reducing the mass of the star's interior. Techs are worried."

"What does that dark energy buildup mean?" Shepard asks. "Is it something we should worry about?" That second question is more rhetorical than anything else.

"Sorry, Shepard," Reegar says. "I don't know what it means. Just that it has the scientists worried."

"Hopefully it's isolated," Tali says, "some rare phenomenon. If dark energy can destabilize solar material..." She trails off. There's no need to spell out the implications. "Probably not something to worry about now, but resources in this galaxy are scarce enough without stars suddenly going dead."

"Some days I think flying around in the Fleet without a planet of our own is the right idea," Reegar says philosophically.

"Do you think the geth are responsible for what's happening to Haestrom's sun?" Shepard asks. After all, they control the Dholen system.

"Keelah, I hope not," Reegar says. "If they can screw up a star, our chances in a war are even worse than I thought."

"I don't think this is the geth," Tali says. "It would take massive time and resources to affect a star like this deliberately. It's too inefficient to be a weapon, and and even the geth wouldn't destroy a useful star system. Besides, they didn't show up until we did." All good points. The geth may be murderous, but from what Shepard's seen they tend to be practical.

"Huh," Reegar says, taking a second or two to think it over. "Hope you're right, ma'am." He shakes his head and mutters. "Synthetic bastards are bad enough as it is."

"What are you doing aboard the Rayya? Not that we aren't glad to see you," Shepard says. "It sounds like you gave your report to the Admiralty already."

"I, uh, stayed to argue the charges against Tali'Zorah." Much to Shepard's surprise, Reegar sounds almost...embarrassed. He collects himself quickly. "I've served with her, and she deserves better than what she's getting."

"Thanks, Kal," Tali says, sounding almost as embarrassed as Reegar did.

Shepard from Reegar to Tali and back - an action that neither quarian seems to notice - and suspects that Reegar's willingness to sacrifice his life for Tali back on Haestrom may have been motivated by something more than a good soldier's dedication to his mission.

Reegar offers a surprisingly gentlemanly bow. "Just stating the facts, ma'am."

"Have you had any luck talking to the Admiralty Board?" Shepard asks.

Reegar answers as if he's giving her an after-action report. "Admiral Raan asked my opinion about the geth, since I'd fought on Haestrom. She and Admiral Gerrel were hoping you'd kill a bunch of geth to get the crowd on your side, then find evidence to clear your name." Shepard had already guessed as much about Raan, but not that Han'Gerrel was in on the scheme. "They were hesitant, but, well, you didn't have any other options, ma'am. I recommended getting you onto the Alarei. I hope you can handle it."

"You did the right thing," Tali says. "Thank you."

Shepard spots Gerrel a few meters away; given what Reegar just said, she thinks it might be a good idea to talk to him. "We should get going," Shepard says, cocking her head in Gerrel's direction. Tali picks up on it and nods in agreement.

"Good luck on the Alarei," Reegar says somberly. "Stay safe out there."

* * *

Up close, Admiral Han'Gerrel reminds Shepard of some of the better senior officers of her acquaintance; he's average-sized, as quarian men go, but gives the impression of being the biggest guy in the room.

"Tali!" he says cheerfully as she and Shepard approach. "I'm glad Admiral Raan got you leave to hit the Alarei. Hopefully you'll find something that clears your name." Shepard can't help but notice that Gerrel is making it look like that was all Raan's idea. Although for all Shepard knows, Raan insisted on taking the blame.

"I'm more concerned with finding my father, Admiral," Tali says apologetically.

"I wish you luck," Gerrel says. Then, more jovially, "Blow up some geth on the way. And you're Captain Shepard?" He greets her with a slight but unmistakable respectful bow. "Admiral Han'Gerrel vas Neema. To be honest, I was afraid a human would be too meek and humble." Which strikes Shepard as odd, considering the reputation humanity enjoys (or not) with most other sentient species in the galaxy. "Watching you rail away at Admiral Koris, though...Tali's in good hands."

"I get the sense you're inclined to believe the defense," Shepard says. "I'm glad one of the judges is."

Gerrel turns to Tali. "If you were only giving Rael inactive equipment for weapons tests, I've got no problem. We need to test weapons against geth material."

Shepard is reminded of what Raan said: I'm not giving you my opinion. I'm telling you which way the wind is blowing.

"I know you and your father," Gerrel continues. "You've put too much of yourselves into this fleet to do anything to jeopardize our safety." With a note of frustration: "And you're both smart enough not to make mistakes like the ones they're saying you made."

Shepard decides not to tell him that while she can vouch for Tali on that front, she's not so sure about Rael'Zorah. "Can you tell me anything about the Alarei?" she asks.

Much to her disappointment, Gerrel shakes his head. "Nothing good. We sent some of our best marines into that hellhole. Damn few made it back. Whatever Rael was doing, it blew up in his face. The ship is crawling with geth." And then he says what Shepard's been thinking: "Don't go in expecting survivors."

Tali doesn't want to hear it. "Admiral! My father - your friend - is on that ship!"

"I know that, Tali." Gerrel sounds like he's barely got enough energy for frustration. "But if Shala hadn't suggested you might volunteer, we'd already have destroyed the Alarei. That's where we stand."

Shepard's been there. Gerrel is not quite in mourning yet, but he knows he soon will be. "You and Tali's father go back a long ways?"

"We served together on the gunship Yaska during a bad batarian raid," Gerrel says. Shepard pegs it for the beginning of an oft-repeated war story right away (she's heard her fair share of them, and then some). "We were kids, serving pre-Pilgrimage as trainees. A crew of ten, and six were dead. Kinetic barriers were down. Rael and I were alone on the bridge, and the batarians had drawn off a tramp freighter."

"Did you save the freighter?" Shepard asks.

Gerrel holds up a hand: hold on, I'm getting to that. "Our ship was under orders to hold position. But Rael looked at me and said, 'We're underage. They can't charge us for breaking formation.'" Since Shepard's wearing a breather mask, Gerrel can't see the smile that got out of her. "He took the helm, I took weapons, and we brought that freighter back," he says proudly. "The crew called us heroes. The brass called us idiots. They slapped medals on our suits, then kicked us off to Pilgrimage a bit earlier than usual." Gerrel chuckles. "That's Rael for you."

"Can you tell me about the other Admirals? Anything that might help me change their minds about Tali?"

"The one you didn't recognize, Tali, is Admiral Xen. She's on the fence. She takes Fleet safety very seriously," Gerrel says. "On the other hand, she's always been in favor of studying the geth. I hope she sees the benefits of Rael's research. Admiral Koris -" Gerrel speaks his name with obvious contempt - "is the same whining suit-wetter he always was.

"You disagree with Admiral Koris' policies, I'm guessing?" Shepard asks. "Or is it personal?"

Gerrel instantly bristles, which strongly suggests the latter. "The man is a damn geth apologist." He takes a deep breath and explains, more matter-of-factly, "Thinks we were wrong to try to destroy them centuries ago. He wants us to search for new colony possibilities instead of taking back the homeworld. Any research on the geth makes him angry. You don't have much of a chance with him, I'm afraid."

No wonder Koris seemed to have it in for Tali. "It sounds like we're dealing with more politics than just Tali bringing back equipment," Shepard observes.

Gerrel's bitter chuckle is not encouraging. "You noticed that, did you? Tali's father wasn't just running weapons tests on the geth for fun. He was looking for something to give us an edge when we attack the geth in full-scale war."

Apparently Rael kept a lot of things from his daughter, because Tali seems surprised. "I know Father wanted to retake the homeworld someday, but are we that close?"

"I don't know, kid," Gerrel admits. "We almost had the votes. We just need to give people hope for victory."

Shepard wonders if Gerrel has ever fought the geth himself. Having done so on many occasions, she could never muster his apparent eagerness for an all-out war with the synthetics. "I hope the quarian people find someplace to live, Admiral, but it sounds like you're playing with fire."

"We're too comfortable now, Shepard," Gerrel insists. "We've got the largest fleet in the galaxy, and we just ride around doing nothing."

Shepard almost says boredom is never a good reason to start a war, but fortunately, Tali says something less inflammatory and more rational. "We might need that fleet to help fight the Reapers, Admiral."

Gerrel's got a counter-argument for this, too. "Then we need a world to shelter our noncombatants while we do it."

Shepard thinks she should step away from Gerrel before she breaks down and says or does something very foolish. "Thanks for the information," she says, staying polite in spite of herself.

"Hang in there, kid," Gerrel says to Tali.

"Thank you, Admiral," Tali says quietly.

* * *

"Shepard! How did you get onto the Rayya?"

Shepard turns around and finds herself face-to-face with a very fidgety male quarian. It takes her a moment to recognize Veetor, from Freedom's Progress. He doesn't seem quite so shell-shocked now as he was then, but it's quite obvious that he still doesn't have it all together. There's a female quarian in a maroon environment suit with him - Shepard suspects she's some kind of minder or caretaker.

"Shepard is here to help me with my trial," Tali explains.

"Oh, yes. I heard about that," Veetor says. It seems he wasn't present for the actual proceedings. "I hope you didn't really do what they said you did."

Tali takes Veetor's extreme awkwardness in stride as she shakes her head. "No, Veetor. I would never endanger the Fleet."

Veetor shifts from foot to foot, embarrassed. "Oh. Well, good. So, can I help you with anything? I mean, probably not but - you helped me."

"Tali could use some friends right now," Shepard says gently. "Would you be willing to tell the admirals how she helped you?"

"No! I mean, yes, but I already did!" Veetor clarifies. "They came to see me. I didn't want to talk in a crowd."

The woman in the maroon environment suit - who until now has been hovering silently at the fringes of the conversation - speaks up in a placid voice. "Veetor is doing well, but he isn't ready for a public speech just yet."

Veetor bounces in place - obviously from anxiety, although Shepard can't tell whether it's the good or bad kind. "I talked to them. So did that soldier, Kal'Reegar. We both told them about how you helped us. I hope it helped."

"I'm sure it did, Veetor," Tali says soothingly. "Thank you."

"Take care of yourself, Veetor," Shepard says.

"Thank you, Commander," Veetor responds, and then says something that helps brighten up Shepard's day a little bit. "It's only because of your help that I've come this far."

* * *

They find Admiral Koris in a relatively secluded corner of the plaza, having a quiet but intense conversation with two other quarians. He has his back to Tali and Shepard, but his companions look up when the two approach, prompting Koris to turn and see what's gotten their attention.

Shepard would have expected Koris to be a little flustered upon spotting the two of them, but if he is, he doesn't show it. "Judging by your ability to play a crowd, human, I have done Tali a favor by stripping 'vas Neema' from her name," he says sourly. Shepard will take that as a compliment.

Tali doesn't rise to the bait. "Commander Shepard, this is Admiral Zaal'Koris vas Qwib-Qwib." She leans in and adds quietly, between clenched teeth, "Do not ask about the name."

Koris, if he notices this aside, chooses to ignore it. He draws himself up haughtily. "I take no pleasure in this, Tali, truly. But you have gravely endangered and dishonored our fleet."

In other words, it's nothing personal. Or so Koris claims. "What exactly is your problem with my crew member, Admiral?" Shepard asks bluntly.

The answer isn't what she expected. "I respect Tali immensely. Her actions against Saren are to be lauded." Koris looks away. "But like her father, she wants nothing but the destruction of the geth...the people we created. The people we wronged."

"The geth drove us from our homeworld!" Tali snaps.

"Of course they did," Koris says sadly. "We tried to kill them."

"You and the other admirals appear to have some disagreements beyond Tali's trial," Shepard observes.

Koris nods. "You are correct. Tali, I apologize for it being brought into your proceedings." He seems sincere, much to Shepard surprise. "The other Admirals are pushing for war. Rael'Zorah was researching new weapons to use against the geth." Forcefully, he adds, "They would see our fleet destroyed in the skies over our homeworld rather than find a new colony and adapt."

Shepard finds herself (grudgingly) agreeing with Koris, at least a bit. "Can the quarians coexist with the geth after all your history?"

"I don't know," Koris says gravely. "We all deserve to find out. They're our children, Shepard. We have all done horrible things to each other, but it has to end. For both groups." His voice turns cold and steely. "That is why I cannot sanction whatever experiments you helped enable, Tali'Zorah. I believe this message needs to be sent."

"I understand, Admiral," Tali says quietly. "I do not agree with you, but I understand."

"Can you tell me anything about the Alarei?" Shepard asks.

Any hope of continued civility dies with that question. "Only that you should have let us destroy it," Koris answers irritably. "When we find the evidence of what Tali and her father did there, any hope of convincing the other admirals will die."

"I did not bring active geth to the Alarei, Admiral!" Tali says angrily. "I know how dangerous that would be! I only brought pieces!"

"The captured ship, with its crew slaughtered by living beings in pain, belies your argument," Koris points out.

Shepard, afraid that Tali is going to attack Koris right here in public, touches her arm gently. "We should move on."

"Goodbye, Tali'Zorah," Koris says, cooling down somewhat. "Be well."

"I'm surprised to hear you say that," Tali says.

"I don't hate you, Tali," Koris says regretfully. "I just think your father's plans for war were wrong."

* * *

Shepard and Tali find the last admiral - the one Gerrel identified as Admiral Xen - off by herself, surveying the rest of the plaza. She doesn't turn to fact them when they approach. "Tali'Zorah," Xen says dryly. "Given the circumstances, are you certain that speaking to me is appropriate?"

Tali stays polite. Relatively speaking. "I'm looking for information about the Alarei. I don't intend to bribe you in the middle of the plaza, Admiral."

Xen appears to relax, and finally turns to face Shepard. "A pleasure to meet you, Commander Shepard. We owe you a debt of gratitude for your actions against the Geth."

"Tali was with me," Shepard points out. "Saren and the geth would have destroyed us all without her help."

"Your political machinations are transparent, Commander," Xen says with cynical amusement. "They are also unnecessary." She turns to Tali. "If you and your father were actually experimenting on geth subjects, then you are simply idiots. No reason to waste resources on a trial. If not, then this was a tragic accident in pursuit of a higher cause. Again, no trial is needed to determine that."

Admiral Xen seems like a real piece of work. "If you're not interested in this trial, then why not recuse yourself?" Shepard asks.

Xen scoffs. "And let that aging warship Han'Gerrel and the cowardly Zaal'Koris be the ones to chart this course? I think not. The broader purpose underlying the trial is too important. Tali'Zorah is only peripherally related. No offense intended," she adds for Tali's benefit.

"And what is the true purpose of this trial, Admiral?" Tali asks. Shepard thinks she's figured it out already.

Xen speaks slowly, as if stating the patently obvious: "To determine whether quarians should fear their past mistakes, or reclaim their glory using our natural affinity for artificial intelligence."

"So the only reason you care about this is because Rael might have learned something valuable from the geth?" Shepard asks.

"Indeed." Xen sounds...disturbingly excited. "If he has, then even in this accident, we may find something worthwhile."

"You want to create new AIs?" Tali asks incredulously.

"No, Tali'Zorah," Xen replies with strong undertones of are you some kind of idiot? "I wish to return the geth to the control of their rightful masters, the quarian race."

"You're insane," Tali says quietly.

"It sounds like your ideas about synthetics are in the minority," Shepard says.

Xen brushes off any implied insult in Tali and Shepard's words. "Yes, at least on the Admiralty Board. Han'Gerrel sees an enemy that must be crushed. Zaal'Koris would run away and hide on some new colony world. Shala'Raan is still undecided." Xen turns thoughtful. "I had thought Rael to be firmly in Han's camp, but if his experiments were on active geth...perhaps we have ideas in common."

Shepard feels an urge to be sick. Fortunately, she's used to suppressing such urges. "If we don't find Rael alive on the Alarei, what do you think will happen?"

"The power balance will be disrupted," Xen says matter-of-factly. "Han loses a vote for his foolish and self-destructive war. That would favor peace, then, as Shala'Raan is too careful to risk her own neck. But, if the admiral replacing Rael agrees with me..." Shepard imagines Xen grinning behind her mask. "things could become very exciting."

"You support experiments on living creatures?" Shepard asks. The geth may be synthetics, and Shepard may regard them as bitter enemies, but they're sentient and shouldn't be treated like lab rats.

Xen is dismissive. "Rael should have felt no more guilt experimenting on geth than I did while performing surgery on a childhood toy."

Tali sounds as disturbed as Shepard feels. "The fact that you performed surgery on your childhood toys explains a great deal, Admiral."

"A ship travels faster than I can," Xen says. "With the right programming, it can choose locations, even defend itself when attacked. But it is just a machine. It was built for the sole purpose of serving its master." She crosses her arms. "And it can be dismantled whenever its master desires."

This conversation is going nowhere. Shepard wants to get it over with. "Can you tell me anything about the Alarei?"

"Little," Xen responds, suddenly very businesslike. "We detected several communication signatures before the geth jammed the comm systems. Given the likely networked intelligence requirements for taking over a ship, expect between ten and fifty units."

"Then this can't have anything to do with me," Tali says thoughtfully. "I only sent parts and pieces, and certainly not enough to make that many geth."

"Thank you for the information," Shepard says. With regards to intel, at least, Xen was a lot more helpful than anyone else they've spoken to.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Commander," Xen says, not even trying to fake sincerity.

Shepard turns around and tries not to run the hell away from Xen. She's scarier than some of the people at Cerberus.

"We should head to the Alarei now," Tali says.

EDI has apparently been listening in over the comms; she pipes up in Shepard's ear. "The secondary docking hangar is through the Conclave chamber where you are now. The shuttle they have provided is unarmed."

"Understood," Shepard says, hoping that none of the quarians will catch on to the fact that the voice on the other end of the line is an AI. That would be very, very bad.

"Whatever geth are on the Alarei have likely built more of themselves," Expect heavy resistance," EDI advises.

Tali is already heading out of the garden plaza and towards the shuttle that will take them to the Alarei. Shepard follows her, trying to ignore the cold, sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

* * *

They come upon the first geth the moment they board the Alarei from their shuttle, and find the first recorded log shortly after that.

It's a journal. The footage is monochrome and a bit grainy, but it's easy to make out the male quarian speaking into the camera. "Something's slowing down the systems," he says. "We're taking down the firewalls to rebalance load distribution. Rael'Zorah ordered us to bypass standard safeties. Following security protocols will take too long."

This situation, Shepard thinks, is already beginning to seem tragically familiar.

* * *

Shepard and Tali duck into a small laboratory with a couple of research tables. There are no geth here, although there's a partially disassembled piece of one. Tali examines it and says, "This is one of the storage units sent to Father. It looks like parts from a disabled repair drone, plus a reflex algorithm that I didn't recognize." She looks up at Shepard. "I got this on Haestrom."

Shepard blinks. "Haestrom was a war zone. How did you salvage gear in the middle of all that?"

"These suits have more pockets than you'd think." Tali answers a bit slyly. "Quarians have learned how to salvage whatever we can, whenever we can. Within reason. We're not vorcha," she adds. "But we repair what most people would throw away. Hundreds of the ships in our fleet were salvaged wrecks, either found dead in space or purchased for next to nothing."

Shepard looks at the part herself. "What made a part worth sending back to your father?" She pokes it cautiously with a finger. It doesn't react.

"It had to be in working order," Tali says. "Something that could be analyzed and integrated into other technology. Anything new had priority. Technology the geth had developed themselves. Signs of modification, clues to their thinking."

Shepard abandons her examination of the geth component and turns back to Tali. "How did you get these things to your father?" It couldn't have been easy.

"Sometimes I left packages at secure drops in civilized areas," Tali says. "Someone on Pilgrimage would see that it was shipped home. For very valuable finds I'd signal home, and Father would send a small ship."

After a moment's hesitation, Shepard asks, "Does that salvaged gear give you a clue as to what happened here?"

Tali shakes her head. "No. I don't know, Shepard. I checked everything I sent here." Shepard doesn't doubt it. Tali would take every precaution to keep from endangering her shipmates. "I passed up great finds because they might be too dangerous, prone to uncontrolled reactivation or self-repair." Tali sighs. "I don't know which possibility is worse: that I got sloppy and sent something dangerous, or...that Father actually did all this."

* * *

Another log, this one a recording from a ceiling-mounted camera angled downward, showing a male and female quarian.

"Who's running this system diagnostic?" The woman demands. "I didn't authorize..." She gasps. "Oh, Keelah. How many geth are networked?"

"All of them," the man says, disbelieving. "Rael'Zorah - "

"Shut it down!" the woman orders, panicked. "Shut everything down! They're in the system!"

The man hits some controls and the two dash off, no doubt to warn their compatriots; there's no indication either way of whether or not they were able to shut down the compromised systems.

* * *

The next log - one that Shepard is sure will give her nightmares - says that they did, but too late.

The woman from the previous video is bending over the camera pickup, speaking desperately. "We've locked down navigation. Weapons are offline. Our mistake won't endanger the Fleet."

She startles as a shower of sparks blooms over her left shoulder. There's the sound of someone (or something) cutting through a sealed bulkhead with a torch. "They're burning through the door. I don't have much time. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she sobs. "Jona, if you get this, be strong for Daddy."

There's an explosion and smoke as the bulkhead gives way. The woman screams "Mommy loves you very much!" just before an incomprehensible stutter of electronic geth speech. Something unseen smashes the woman to the floor, and there's the sound of rapid gunfire; then the video cuts to static.

* * *

Shepard's growing increasingly concerned about Tali. She's usually very sensible in a firefight, not prone to taking stupid risks. In their last couple of encounters with the geth on this ship, she's been impatient and reckless, treating their foes like a nuisance she wants to get the hell over with rather than a serious threat. Shepard can understand why, but Tali won't do anyone any good if she gets herself shot. She's considering reminding Tali of exactly this fact when they come upon a large - and promising - holographic screen filled with charts and data.

"This console might have something," Tali says. She takes a minute to examine its contents, while Shepard keeps an eye out for any nasties coming down the corridor.

"Most of the data is corrupted," Tali says, disappointed, "but a few bits are left." She activates her omni-tool and scans the console, downloading data. "They were performing experiments on geth systems. Looking for new ways to overcome geth resistance to reprogramming."

Essentially, they were testing interrogation techniques. Shepard has little love for the geth, but... "Do you think testing weapons on the geth was right?" she asks cautiously.

"It's not testing weapons on prisoners, Shepard," Tali insists. "I only sent Father parts. Even if he assembled them, they wouldn't be sapient." She takes a deep breath. "You saw what Saren and Sovereign did with the geth. Any research that gives us an advantage is important."

Shepard's not sure whether Tali really believes that, or whether she's trying hard to convince herself. She doesn't know which possibility is worse. "Give it to me straight, Tali. Did you know what kind of tests your father was running?"

Tali's answer is uncertain, but truthful. "No. Father just told me to send back any geth technology I could find that wasn't a direct danger to the Fleet. I suspected he might be testing weapons," she confesses, "but I thought he was just working on new ways to bypass shields or armor."

And not on intact geth, as far as she knew. "Could any of that data clear your name?"

"Doubtful," Tali grumbles. "This is mostly results data. Effects of different disruptive hacking techniques." She examines the console again. "I don't understand all of it. But...they may have been activating the geth deliberately. I don't know. Nothing here says specifically. But if they were..." Tali trails off, gazing into the holographic console screen as if searching for answers. "...then Father was doing something terrible." Tali mutters, low and pained, "What was all this, Father? You promised you'd build me a house on the homeworld. Was this going to bring us back home?"

"Maybe it's time for your people to let go of reclaiming your world from the geth," Shepard says hesitantly.

Tali's reaction is exactly what Shepard feared. She wheels around, furious. "You have no idea what it's like! You have a planet to go back to! My home is one hull breach away from extinction!" she snaps, gesturing at a nearby bulkhead.

"You've got a place here, Tali. Don't throw it away in a war you don't need." She steps forward to put a hand on Tali's shoulder.

Tali draws back. Shepard couldn't feel any more hurt if Tali had actually slapped her. "Don't need?" she hisses. "Shepard, if I don't wear a helmet in my own home, I die! A single kiss could put me in the hospital! Every time you touch a flower with bare fingers, inhale its fragrance without air filters, you're doing something I can't!" She clenches her fists, hard. "Damn the Pilgrimage," she growls. "Without it, I might never have known what I was missing. What we had lost when we lost our homeworld."

"Have the quarians considered colonizing a new world?" Shepard asks.

Tali reins in her anger - barely. "We'd have enough difficulty reacclimating to our own native environment," she answers, her tone sharp. "Adjusting for for exposure to a foreign colony would be even harder. It's the difference between 60 years and 600. For anyone alive now to watch a sunset without a mask, we must take back our home." She deflates, suddenly, and when she speaks again she sounds weary. "At the very least we can take back one ship. Come on."

* * *

They find another, older log. On the screen is a female scientist Shepard recognizes from some of the other recordings they've seen.

"First entry. Our hacking attempts failed. The geth have an adaptive consciousness. Hack one process, and the others auto-correct." In spite of that, she sounds satisfied. "Still, we're making progress. Rael'Zorah is convinced we'll have a viable system in less than a year. This weapon will put our people back on the homeworld. And it's all because of Rael'Zorah."

* * *

The door opens onto a small landing at the bottom of a flight of stairs. And crumpled on the landing is a male quarian in a silver and red environment suit.

Shepard, on point, sees him first. Tali's bringing up the rear and doesn't turn around until a moment later.

"Father!" the word comes out as a sob of pure anguish. Tali pushes past Shepard and kneels down by her father, shaking her head frantically. "No, no, no! You always had a plan. Masked life signs, or, or an onboard medical stasis program maybe. You! You wouldn't..."

Shepard's throat is too knotted up to get any words out, even if she knew what to say.

"They're wrong!" Tali wails. "You wouldn't just die like this! You wouldn't leave me to clean up your mess! You can't..."

Shepard forces herself to move. "Hey. Hey, come here," she says soothingly, helping Tali to her feet. She hugs her, silently, for several seconds. When they part, she keeps her hands on Tali's shoulders.

"Damn it!" Tali chokes out. "Damn it." She sniffs. "I'm sorry."

"He was trying to help you, Tali," Shepard says quietly. "The only way he knew how. He didn't want to leave you."

Tali looks back at her father's lifeless body. "Of course he did! Every time he went off to battle. Every time he sent me away. It was all about what he wanted." She kneels down again, talking to the corpse in a hoarse near-whisper. "I wanted a father who'd take the sick-leave time and let me see his face without a helmet in the way." There's so much bitterness in Tali's voice that Shepard can almost taste it. "Instead, I got orders. And this. And a panel of Admirals who think I'm a traitor. Those were my father's gifts to me."

Shepard kneels down by her. "You also got his mind and the best military training in the quarian fleet." Even Tali admitted that, once.

Tali takes a few deep breaths. "You're right. I know what he'd do, better than anyone." She thinks for a few moments. "Maybe...He had to know I'd come. Maybe he left a message." She activates her omni-tool and scans her father. The omni-tool on his own arm lights up, and a miniature holographic image of Rael'Zorah - the living Rael'Zorah - appears above it.

The recording of Rael'Zorah breathes hard, as if he's been running. "Tali. If you are listening, then I am dead. They geth have gone active. I don't have much time," he says desperately. "The main hub will be on the bridge. You'll need to destroy it to stop their VI processes from forming new neural links. Make sure Han'Gerrel and Darro'Xen see the data." On the recording, there's the sound of something cutting through a door or bulkhead. "They must..." There's a loud clang; the holographic Rael'Zorah turns to run and disappears.

"Thanks, Dad," Tali says quietly as she gets to her feet.

"He knew you'd come for him," Shepard says quietly. "He was trying to help you. It's not perfect. It's not what you wanted. But it's the best he could do."

Tali contemplates what's left of her father for a few seconds. "I don't know what's worse: thinking he never really cared, or thinking that he did, and that this was the only way he could show it. It doesn't matter. One way or the other, I cared." She straightens up. "And I'm here." She looks at Shepard, eyes flashing beneath her mask. "And we're ending this."

As soon as Kasumi coaxes the door open, she, Shepard, Garrus and Jack duck through, out of Haestrom's punishing sunlight. Shepard's the first to spot the top half of a geth dragging itself across the floor towards them on its arms: she turns her assault rifle on the thing, spraying it with bullets. The geth collapses.

There are a lot of other dead geth in here. Also a lot of dead quarians. Their equipment and crates of supplies are scattered all around the large, low chamber. Kasumi's already at the door at the other end, waving her omni-tool over it. "No good," she says as she switches it off. "The controls on this side are damaged."

Well, where finesse fails, there's always biotic brute force. "Jack," Shepard says, "do you think you can..."

"Tali'Zorah to base camp. Come in, base camp."

Shepard looks up at the familiar voice. She sees a hologram flickering above an ancient console - the head and shoulders of a female quarian, shifting nervously in a way Shepard recognizes. She holsters her rifle in its maglock on her back as she approaches the console.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Tali asks, on the verge of panic. Shepard searches the controls on the console, arranged in an unfamiliar configuration and labeled with what must be quarian script. One of the buttons is flashing. It seems to be as good an option as she can find, so she presses it and is rewarded with an electronic chirp.

"Tali, it's Shepard," she says. Tali's flinch of surprise confirms that she's connected. "I'm sorry. Everyone here is dead." She looks over her shoulder to where Garrus is crouching as he examines a fallen quarian. Shepard turns back to Tali's hologram. "Any survivors must have fallen back."

Tali's gaze drops. "We knew this mission was high risk. Damn it." She looks up. "And what are you doing here, Shepard? We're in the middle of geth space."

"I was in the neighborhood," Shepard answers nonchalantly. "Thought you might need a hand."

"Thanks for coming, Shepard," Tali says softly. "It means a lot to hear your voice." In a moment, she's all business again. "Kal'Reegar and what's left of the marines got me into the observatory. From where you are, it's through the door and across the field. I got the data I needed and I'm safe for now, but I've got a lot of geth outside," she informs Shepard, jerking a thumb over her shoulder.

"Would it help if I brought in the Normandy?" Shepard asks. It's not as good for atmospheric maneuvers as its namesake, but it's more than capable of raining down fire on the Geth.

Tali shakes her head. "Doubtful. These buildings are centuries old. If you bring down heavy fire, this whole place could collapse on us."

Okay, guess that's not an option. Shepard just hopes she has other resources to work with. "Is anyone else still with you or are you alone out there?"

"Reegar had a team of marines covering for me when I ran for the observatory," Tali says. "At least some of them out there are still alive." She looks back behind her. "I can hear them firing at the geth outside."

Shepard wonders what kind of research data could be worth all this, but now isn't the time to ask that question. Her time would be better spent getting to Tali and saving as many of the quarians as she can. "It looks like somebody sealed the door against the geth, and the console is damaged," Shepard informs Tali. "Can you get it open on your end?"

"Let me see," Tali says thoughtfully, looking down. "Yes! I can do it. Here." She looks back up as the formerly locked door makes a clunking noise. "Be careful, Shepard. And please, do what you can to keep Reegar alive." Tali presses a control on her end, and the hologram blips out.

"Okay, people, let's go," Shepard calls to her squad. "Resistance is going to be heavy on the other side of that door. Stay sharp and move fast." Her companions check their weapons as they take up positions beside and behind Shepard. She opens the previously sealed door.

* * *

They duck out of the courtyard and into some sort of antechamber: Kasumi closes and locks the door behind them, in case there are more Geth Prime or drones following them. In front of them are three consoles, each beneath some kind of metal shutter. There's a door in the wall to the left. Garrus attempts to open it with his omni-tool, but shakes his head when his effots prove unsuccessful. "Locked," he says.

"Maybe one of the consoles will get it open," Shepard says, walking up to the one in the center. The layout is unfamiliar, but maybe she can get it open with her omni-tool. She switches it on and scans the console. After a few seconds, a more familiar holographic interface appears above the transluscent gauntlet on her arm. Familiar, but limited - there are only a few options displayed. One is "open all doors." Shepard picks that option.

The door unlocks. The metal shutters also lift, revealing a courtyard smaller than the one she just left but still of respectable size. It's also got a respectable number of geth. And at the other end is a large, four-legged construct Shepard recognizes. "Oh God, a Colossus!" Kasumi exclaims as the massive geth turns to face them.

"Get down!" Shepard orders her squad just before the Colossus fires an artillery shot in their direction. She follows her own advice, diving to the floor as the shot slams into the wall behind her. Despite Tali's misgivings, it seems the quarian construction has held up well: the wall is scorched and cracked, but it still stands.

"Ah! Definitely like old times!" Garrus observes as they dart through the door at the side of the room, staying low.

Beyond are a couple of sloping platforms, leading to a low wall that separates them from the rest of the chamber. Crouched against that wall is a male quarian in a red-and-gold environmental suit, gripping a rocket launcher and chancing an occasional look over the edge to check on the geth. Shepard quickly moves to join him, taking cover behind the wall just as he pops up and fires off his rocket launcher. There's an explosion and the sound of tearing metal.

The quarian crouches down again, facing Shepard. "Squad Leader Kal'Reegar, Migrant Fleet Marines!" he introduces himself. "We talked on the radio before that geth dropship arrived!"

Shepard nods. She picked up a radio off a dead quarian on her way in. At that time, at least a few members of Reegar's squad were still alive: it seems this is no longer the case.

"I still got no idea why you're here," Reegar continues, "but this ain't the time to be picky."

Something explodes against the wall between them and the geth: Reegar flinches briefly before turning back to Shepard. "Tali's inside over there," he explains, looking across the chamber. Shepard chances a look herself, although she can't get more than a brief glimpse before the geth start shooting at her and force her into cover again. "The geth killed the rest of my squad, and they're trying to get to her. Best I've been able to do is draw their attention."

There's another explosion against the low wall - attributable to the Colossus' heavy fire, almost certainly - and Shepard can hear the sounds of smaller projectiles hitting it. "Are you sure she's still alive?" Shepard asks, having to raise her voce to be heard above the din.

"The observatory is reinforced," Reegar answers. "Even the geth will need time to get through it." He chuckles briefly. "And it's hard to hack a door when someone's firing rockets at you. The geth are near platoon strength, but the Colossus is the worst part." He looks across the chamber. Shepard does the same. She sees the Colossus crouch and fold itself into a surprisingly compact lump of armor. "It's got a repair protocol. Huddles up and fixes itself. I can't get a clear shot while it's down like that. I tried to move in closer, and one of the bastards punched a shot clean through my suit."

Although the wound itself may not be all that serious, Shepard's well aware that the quarians' weakened immune systems make them very, very succeptible to infection. "How bad is your suit damage?" she asks.

"Combat seals clamped down to isolate contamination, and I'm swimming in antibiotics," Reegar answers gamely. "The geth might get me, but I'm not gonna die from an infection in the middle of a battle. That's just insulting."

Shepard has already taken a liking to Reegar: she hopes she can keep both him and Tali alive. "What can you tell me about the battlefield?" Shepard asks. There's got to be a good approach she can take, some kind of opening.

"The right side's got a catwalk with a sniper perch. You could wreak some havoc from there," Reegar points out, "but none of my men made it past the geth." Haestrom's shield-damaging sunlight is also shining down on the catwalk. It's too exposed for Shepard's liking. She hopes there are other options.

"The middle's got cover," Reegar continues, "but the damn Colossus has a clear shot at you the whole time, and you've got geth coming in from both sides. The left gives you some cover from the Colossus, but your ass is hanging out for the geth. That's how I got shot."

The left might be the best option, though: the Colossus won't be able to bring its devastating main weapon to bear, the geth will have a limited approach, and Jack's biotics can sweep it clean if the geth attempt to rush the squad on their way across.

There's one big problem, though. "Any ideas on how to deal with the Colossus?" Shepard asks. She's only ever gone up against those things while in a military rover: she can't exactly run it down and then blast it with a vehicle-mounted cannon while she's on foot.

"Standard protocol with armor-class units is to sabotage the shields and whittle it down, you know. Kill it with bug bites," Reegar explains. "But the repair protocol blows that plan to hell. You try to wear it down, it just huddles up and fixes itself. So whatever we do has to scrap that bastard fast. Probably means getting up close, past that cover."

"We need to get to Tali," Shepard says. "Got any ideas?"

"Just one," Reegar says. "I'm not moving so well, but I can still pull a trigger, and I've got a rocket launcher the sun hasn't fried yet. You move in close. I'll keep the Colossus busy, maybe even drop its shields. With luck, you'll be able to finish it off."

Shepard does not like the implications of this plan. "You've done enough, Reegar. You don't need to throw your life away."

"Wasn't asking your permission," Reegar responds, shaking his head. "My job is to keep Tali safe. This is our best shot," he insists, standing up and taking aim at the Colossus.

Shepard yanks him back down behind the wall. "We don't have enough people on our side for you to take one for the team!" she scolds. "Stand down!"

Reegar adjusts his position, but doesn't attempt to stand up again. "I'm not gonna stand there while you run into enemy fire! They killed my whole squad!"

"And if you want to honor your squad, watch my back!" Shepard returns. "I need you here in case they bring reinforcements!"

Reegar emits a frustrated grunt, but makes no other protest. "All right, Shepard. We'll do it your way. Hit 'em for me!" He salutes with his rocket launcher. "Keelah se'lai!"

"All right, people," Shepard says to her squad. "We're taking the left. Jack, sweep them if they try to rush us. Garrus and I will pick up any lone stragglers. Kasumi, you watch for any trying to come up from behind. When we get to the Colossus, I want you to overload its shields. Garrus, snipe it. I'll pitch in. Kasumi and Jack can cover us from the rest of the geth. Clear?" Her companions nod in agreement. "Let's do this."

* * *

The Colossus explodes in a ball of fire and chunks of metal, to the sound of Reegar's triumphant battle roar. Between them, Shepard, Garrus, Kasumi and Jack pick off the few remaining geth troopers, clearing a path to the observatory door.

"Just a second," Tali's voice says over the quarian radio Shepard has clipped to her belt. "I locked the door to keep more geth from getting inside." The door makes a clunk noise. "There. That should do it."

Shepard opens the door. On the other side is a long, dim, relatively narrow chamber with old computer banks in alcoves along the walls. Tali's standing at the other end, her back to Shepard, doing something with a control panel.

"Just let me finish this download," she says as Shepard approaches. A moment later she looks over her shoulder, then turns around suddenly. "Garrus! I haven't heard from you in..." She falls silent upon seeing the scarring and cybernetics on the right side of his face. "Keelah. What happened to you?"

Garrus' mandibles twitch in what Shepard has come to recognize as the turian equivalent of a smile. (The one on the right doesn't move quite as much as the one on the left.) "I had a fight with a gunship," Garrus answers. "It lost. Thanks to the Commander," he adds, inclining his head toward Shepard.

Tali turns to her. "I should thank you, too. If not for you, I would never have made it out of this room." She sighs, her joyful demeanor sliding into despondence. "This whole mission has been a disaster. I wish I'd joined you back on Freedom's Progress, but I couldn't let anyone take my place on something this risky."

"What can you tell me about your research here?" Shepard asks, wondering what information could be worth so much risk and sacrifice.

"Haestrom's sun is destabilizing," Tali answers, activiating her omni-tool and pressing a few buttons. A holographic representation of Haestrom's sun, about the size of a grapefruit, appears above her arm. "Back when this was a quarian colony, this was a normal star." She switches off the omni-tool. "It shouldn't change that quickly."

"Any idea what's destabilizing the sun?" Shepard asks. She supposes it's too much to hope that this can be chalked up to a random fluke.

"If I had to guess," Tali hazards, "I'd say that it was dark energy affecting the interior of the star. The effect is similar to when stars blow off mass to enter a red giant phase, but Haestrom's sun is far too young for this to be natural."

Shepard's not sure whether that was worth all the dead quarians she saw on her way here. "A lot of quarians lost their lives here. Was it worth it?"

Tali looks at her feet. "I don't know, Shepard. It wasn't my call." She looks up again. "The Admiralty Board believed the information here was worth sacrificing all our lives for. I have to believe that they know what's best."

Shepard's been in military service for quite a while: she knows that kind of statement is a polite way of masking doubts about the motives and sanity of those further up the chain of command. "I didn't ask what some admiral thought. I asked what you thought."

"A lot of people died here. Some of them were my friends," Tali answers bitterly. "All of them were good at their jobs. That damn data better be worth it. The price was too high."

Shepard hopes the data was worth the sacrifice too - in no small part because she doesn't want Tali to lie awake at night, wondering whether she killed her comrades for nothing by following orders. "Whatever the reason, I'm glad I could help." After a brief pause, Shepard adds, "Once you deliver that data, I could use you on the Normandy."

"I promised to see this mission through. I did," Tali replies gravely. She activates her omni-tool again and presses a series of buttons. "I can leave with you and send the data to the Fleet. And if the Admirals have a problem with it" - she shuts off her omni-tool decisively - "they can go to hell," she concludes with a dismissive wave. "I just watched the rest of my team die."

Tali walks past Shepard, towards the door she came in through, but stops in her tracks when she sees Kal'Reegar limping in. "Maybe not the whole rest of your team, ma'am."

Shepard feels chagrin at having left Kal'Reegar to drag himself over here in her rush to get to Tali, but neither of the quarians seems to mind. "Reegar!" Tali exclaims joyfully. "You made it!" She bounds over to him and gives him a relieved hug. A somewhat bemused Shepard and her squad trail after.

"Your old captain's as good as you said," Reegar informs Tali. "Damn Colossus never stood a chance."

"If need be, the Normandy can get you out of here, Reegar," Shepard offers.

Reegar shakes his head. "The geth didn't damage our ship. Long as we get out of here before reinforcements show up, we'll be fine."

"Actually, I won't be going with you," Tali tells Reegar. She sounds a little regretful, but only a little. "I'm joining Commander Shepard."

Shepard is somewhat surprised when Reegar doesn't protest. "I'll pass the data to the Admiralty Board and let them know what happened," he says. He turns to Shepard. "She's all yours now, Shepard. Keep her safe."

Shepard nods in agreement. She's not sure how well she can manage that, given the circumstances, but she has no intention of losing her friend all over again.

* * *

Tali joins Shepard and Jacob in the Normandy's communications room. Given what Shepard knows about Cerberus' recent history with the quarians, she made sure it would be Jacob here and not Miranda. He's still Cerberus, but he's...less overt about it.

"Cerberus saw footage of you in action, Tali'Zorah," Jacob begins. "We're looking forward to having you on the team. Your engineering expertise will really benefit the mission."

Shepard doesn't think that's a bad start, but evidently Tali is not accepting complements from Jacob. She walks past Shepard to stand at the end of the table opposite Jacob. "I don't know who you are, but Cerberus threatened the security of the Migrant Fleet. Don't make nice."

"That's why you're here, Tali," Shepard interjects. "I need people who aren't Cerberus - people I can trust." She can actually trust Jacob, or at least she thinks so, but only to a point.

Jacob, looking somewhat uncomfortable, places his hands on the table and rocks on the balls of his feet, as if he's getting ready to fight or flee. "I wasn't part of what happened to the Migrant Fleet, but I understand your distrust. I hope we'll get past that as we work together."

Tali turns to Shepard and closes a few steps of distance between them. "I assumed that you were undercover, Shepard. Maybe even planning to blow Cerberus up." Her voice is stern, and gives Shepard flashbacks to her first meeting with Kaidan in Milliways. "If that's the case, I'll loan you a grenade. Otherwise I'm here for you. Not for them."

Shepard relaxes, a little. "If it helps, check out the Normandy while you're here. We've gotten a few upgrades."

Jacob chimes in with "I'll get Tali'Zorah the necessary security clearance to access our systems."

This seems to get Tali to warm to Jacob a bit: some of the tension leaves her stance as she faces Jacob. "Please do. I can't be part of your team if I don't know how the ship works." She moves toward the door, but seems to remember something, and stops partway to turn and face the commander. "Remember, Shepard, these people thought enslaving Thorian creepers and rachni was a good idea. I'll be in engineering." She continues on her way out.

The communications room door whooshes open and Tali's about to step through it when Jacob says, "Don't forget to introduce yourself to EDI, the ship's new artificial intelligence."

Shit, Shepard thinks.

Tali may be wearing a mask, but the look she gives Jacob before she leaves can't be mistaken for anything other than an unfriendly glare.

Shepard doesn't manage to shake off Miranda before the debriefing in the communications room. But she's figured out by now that she can use Miranda to her advantage as far as Jack is concerned: Shepard can let Miranda rile Jack up, reel the Cerberus handler in, and maybe get on Jack's good side, as long as she doesn't overplay her hand.

Yeah, it's manipulative, but she needs every advantage she can get.

That's why she's leaning against the railing in the communications room while Miranda addresses Jack. "Welcome to the Normandy, Jack. I'm Miranda, Shepard's second-in-command. On this ship, we follow orders."

Heh. Like that's gonna go over well.

The clinic's waiting room is dim and crowded full of people who are sick, injured, frightened, or some combination of the above. Still, it's a significant improvement upon the plague-ridden district outside. Out there, the vorcha and the Blue Suns are busy killing each other and anything else that moves, and the bodies of those felled by disease or bullets are burning in the streets.

Some of the clinic patients cringe from Shepard and her well-armed squad: others try to watch them without giving away the fact that they're watching (Jacob and Miranda do a quick visual sweep for any threats; Zaeed pretends not to notice). The clinic guards - all of whom are human, she notices - regard her with casual wariness, subtly shifting their grip on their weapons. Shepard acknowledges each of them in turn by looking them in the eye, briefly, communicating that she and her people aren't here to make trouble.

There's a desk along one wall, lit by harsh flourescent lights. She goes to the nearest receptionist, a harried human woman typing frantically on the holographic keys of a workstation. "Excuse me," Shepard says, "I'm here to see the doctor."

"I'm sorry, the doctor's very busy right now," the receptionist says, without looking up. Her voice says she's running on autopilot and has been for a long time. "Please tell me your name and the nature of your problem, and someone will be with you-"

"I'm not a patient," Shepard says, politely but firmly.

The receptionist looks up, her eyes widening as she takes in Shepard's armor and multiple guns.

"It's okay," Shepard reassures her. "I've heard he has a cure for the plague. I want to help him distribute it." She silently prays that Miranda won't speak up: her second-in-command is interested in what Mordin Solus can do against the Collectors, not in stopping the plague ravaging a poor district on Omega. Fortunately, Miranda keeps her mouth shut.

"Um," the receptionist says, blinking as she tries to process Shepard's offer. She points down a short corridor leading off the waiting room. "That way, to the left," she says.

Shepard nods her thanks, gestures to her squad and heads down the hallway. As they approach the rooms at the end, Shepard hears a voice say, "Professor, we're running low on cipoxin."

"Use milaterin. Plenty on hand, almost as good." Salarians always have a certain vocal quality that Shepard's learned to recognize. They also tend to talk fast - this one more so than most. "Causes cramping in batarians. Supplement with butemerol-"

Shepard turns the corner to see a room full of activity: various staff (all human, intrestingly) are running tests, preparing medicines, or cleaning up. Some of them do a doubletake at Shepard and her team, but most are too preoccupied to notice.

At the center of the storm is a ruddy salarian in a white lab coat, bending over a comatose (hopefully) turian on a medical table in front of him. That's our man, Shepard thinks. Aloud, she addresses him: "Professor Mordin Solus?"

They decided, on somewhat short notice, to take part of their leave on Fyarlaren.

Fyarlaren, like most hanar colonies, is almost completely covered by water. But there is a long chain of islands near the planet's equator, and a few centuries ago an enterprising hanar businessman decided it would be a good idea to develop some of the islands into a tourist destination for more terrestrially oriented life-forms. The Fyarlaren archipelago has been a popular tourist destination for asari, salarians and - more recently - humans ever since.

Shepard could never have afforded to vacation here on her Alliance salary, but Spectres get a substantially bigger paycheck. Substantial enough that, during those rare times when they can actually take a vacation, they can reserve a private beach bungalow for a few weeks. Shepard and Kaidan are a short auto-boat ride from the nearest civilization, that being a nearby resort town, but they've spent most of their time on this little island. Which suits Shepard just fine.

Eventually, though, they will have other obligations to fulfill - and that's even before they go back on duty. When they're sitting on the porch late one afternoon, Shepard decides it's about time to bring up the subject.

"I'm going to visit my parents on Shanxi for Christmas and New Year's," she says. "What about you? Got any plans?"

Repairs of the extensive damage done to the Citadel Tower during the attack by Sovereign and the geth were still ongoing, so when the Citadel Council called the meeting, it took place on a bridge over one of the Presidium's lakes. Officers of Citadel Security kept those not invited at a distance.

Shepard surveyed the Presidium as she walked towards the bridge. The debris - and the corpses - from the attack on the Citadel had been cleared away. Structural damage had been repaired, and she could see nary a hole, burn or dent from weapons fire. Some of the trees in the park were missing, and others had been trimmed down quite a bit, but there were no burned trunks or limbs in evidence. Nor did the grass show signs of gouging and scorching.

The commander didn't know what the meeting was about, or why she had been called to it. She was further mystified to see that the only two other individuals at the meeting, besides the Council, were Captain Anderson and Alliance Ambassador Udina.

As she stepped up onto the bridge, the two men moved aside to let her draw even with them: she ended up with Anderson flanking her on the left and Udina no the right. Standing so close to the Ambassador - who she had started out disliking and grown to absolutely detest - made her hackles rise, but she didn't show it.

Facing the three humans, the members of the Citadel Council stood as they always had in their traditional perch in the Tower: from Shepard's perspective, the turian Councilor was on the left, the hooded salarian representative on the right, and the asari in the center.

It was the asari Councilor who spoke first, effectively calling the meeting to order. "Ambassador. Captain. Commander Shepard. We have gathered here to recognize the enormous contributions of the Alliance forces in the war against Sovereign and the Geth."

The salarian spoke next. Shepard wondered if they had rehearsed this. "Many humans lost their lives in the battle to save the Citadel, brave and courageous soldiers who willingly gave their lives so that we - the Council - might live."

The Alliance fleet had come in time to save the Destiny Ascension - flagship of the Citadel fleet, to which the Council had been evacuated in the first minutes of the assault - and had in turn suffered heavy casualties from the geth ships' counterattack. They could have advanced more cautiously and taken fewer losses, while leaving the Ascension to be destroyed. But Shepard had told Admiral Hackett to take the fleet in to save the Council, and he had.

Shepard was surprised by the words of the turian Councilor, who had generally seemed to hold her species in low regard. "There is no greater sacrifice, and we share your grief over the tragic loss of so many noble men and women."

"The Council also owes you a great personal debt, Commander," the asari said. "One we can never repay. You saved not just our lives, but the lives of billions from Sovereign and the Reapers."

Again, they took speaking turns as they had before, the salarian coming next: "Commander Shepard, your heroic and selfless actions serve as a symbol of everything humanity and the Alliance stand for."

Then the turian: "And though we cannot bring back those valiant soldiers who gave their lives to save ours, we can honor their memories through our actions."

Although Shepard had been at least half-expecting it, she was still surprised when the asari councilor got to the point. "Humanity has shown it is ready to stand as a defender and protector of the galaxy. You have proved you are worthy to join our ranks and serve beside us on the Citadel Council."

Ambassador Udina piped up. "Councilor, on behalf of humanity and the Alliance, we thank you for this prestigious honor and humbly accept."

Something in his manner of speaking really rubbed Shepard the wrong way - granted, a lot of things about Udina rubbed her the wrong way.

She understood what it was a few moments later, when the salarian Councilor spoke. "We will need a list of potential candidates to fill humanity's seat on the Council."

That was it. Udina was expecting to be at the top of the list. Shepard did not think that a weasel should represent the human race - which seemed likely to happen, given the way politics usually went - but she had no say in the matter.

Actually, she was wrong about that. "Given all that has happened," the asari Councilor said, "I am sure your recommendation will carry a great deal of weight, Commander. Do you support any particular candidate?"

Shepard almost asked the Councilor if she was serious. It was just too much. But she had to be: there were no cameras hovering here, no crowds to witness the meeting. If it wasn't for show, then what could it be except serious?

Once Shepard had decided that the Councilor was in earnest, it took her but a moment to make her choice. "We need someone with the courage to stand up for what he believes in." The Commander looked to her left, where Captain Anderson - her former commanding officer - stood. "Someone like Captain Anderson."

Out of the corner of her eye, she could detect Anderson shifting or perhaps flinching a bit. He was surprised, but other than that small involuntary movement, he hid it well.

A certain notion occurred to Shepard. Perhaps the Council had known who Shepard would choose, or were trying to hint at who she would choose - and that was why they'd invited Anderson here.

Shepard's train of thought was broken by an incredulous Udina. "Him?" The Ambassador didn't quite scoff, but Shepard could read a scoff between the lines. "You must be joking. Anderson prefers to let his fists do the talking." She couldn't believe he'd actually said that. Udina of all people should have seen that it would have been more politic to voice agreement with her - even if it wasn't sincere - or just shut up.

Captain Anderson's response almost brought a smile to her face. "Only with you, Ambassador," he said. "Only with you."

When Ambassador Udina had locked down the Normandy, Shepard's ship, Anderson had gone into Udina's office to override the lock from his computer. Udina had been in the office at the time. Hence the talking with fists.

"Are you sure about this, Commander?" Udina had the gall to ask. "The captain is a soldier, not a politician."

Commander Shepard was not, of course, trained to be diplomatic. But she was smart enough to be subtler than Udina. She turned towards the Ambassador. "We've already got too many politicians on the Citadel." Only she, Captain Anderson and of course Udina himself would recognize that for the insult it was. Shepard turned to address the Council. "The captain would be perfect for this job."

"I think it's an inspired choice," the asari Councilor said. Neither she nor the other Councilors ever showed much on their faces, but Shepard was pretty sure that she meant it, and wondered again about Captain Anderson's presence at this meeting. "The Council would welcome him with open arms, should he accept."

The Captain, having gotten over his shock, responded as gracefully as Shepard had hoped he would. "I'm honored, Councilor. As humanity's representative, I'll do everything in my power to help the Council rebuild."

And there was a lot of that to do.

Incredibly enough, even the turian Councilor seemed pleased. "Sovereign's defeat marks the beginning of a new era for both humanity and the Council," he said.

But it wasn't going to be sunshine and flowers from here on out. Shepard knew that only too well - and she had to make sure the Council remembered it, too. "Sovereign was only a vanguard," she said. "The Reaper fleet is still coming. Hundreds of ships, maybe thousands. And I'm going to find some way to stop them."

One of the most effective ways to make an impression, Shepard had learned, was to leave someone alone with your words and no chance to argue them. So she turned away from the Council - a breach of etiquette, but one she could afford, and walked away.

She was off the bridge by the time Captain Anderson ended the silence, but he had a commanding officer's carrying voice, and she could still hear him. "Shepard's right. Humanity is ready to do its part. United with the rest of the Council, we have the strength to overcome any challenge. When the Reapers come, we must stand side by side, we must fight against them as one. And together we will drive them back into dark space!"

The Commander allowed herself to quirk a smile as she entered the elevator to the Wards, confident that she'd made the right choice.

[OOC: Thanks to SPRTN085, whose YouTube recording of the Paragon Mass Effect ending allowed me to transcribe the dialog for this post.]

She's walking through some dingy building of off-white walls and tile floors, endless corridors lined with little rooms. There are florescent lights in the ceiling: half the tubes are flickering or have gone out all together. There's water on the floor, water almost up to her knees. It's not still or dirty, like a flood born out of broken plumbing. Instead it flows out of the rooms and down the hall, clear as crystal and warm as a tropical lagoon. She's walking against the current, and though it flows fast, it's not strong enough to make walking a struggle.

All the doors to the rooms are open, so she could go into them if she wanted to. The rooms are completely dark or dimly illuminated at best. They're full of shelves and cots and bits of what she thinks of as antique medical equipment, things she recognizes (if at all) only from old recordings and museums. There are no people in any of the rooms. She's not interested in entering any of them, or examining them beyond a cursory glance.

There are monitors, though, and other unidentifiable devices with lights on them, beeping and blinking. She gets the unsettling feeling that the machines are watching her, especially the ones in the dark rooms where the glow of screens and blinking constellations of red and green status indicators are the only light there is.

On her left she notices a closed door, the first one she's encountered. A small window at eye level glows with faint light. She goes to the door and pulls it open, for once curious to know what's inside.

There's a window in this room - none of the others had windows, she realizes - set high in the wall, letting down a ray of sunlight. There's no medical stuff or machines in here that she can see: although the shadows beyond the pillar of natural light are too deep to see anything, she's sure that the room is empty. Except for the person standing in the middle.

The woman's back is turned to Shepard. She wears an Alliance uniform. Her skin is tanned to a golden brown, her dark hair twisted into a tight bun. Shepard knows who the woman is, wants to call to her, go to her, but she's somehow rooted silent to the spot, caught like an anticipatory breath catches in the throat.

The woman looks over her shoulder at Shepard, blinks her large brown eyes, and then turns slowly, a beatific smile on her face. It's the smile you make at a chance meeting with an old friend you haven't seen in years. Shepard feels herself smiling back, and realizes that she's no longer frozen. "Ash," she says, taking a step forward, reaching out towards her fellow soldier. Ashley reflects the movement, her smile growing.

Then there's a muzzle flash and the crack of a pistol shot from somewhere in the shadows. The right side of Ashley's face dissolves in a mess of bone and blood and tissue: the other half looks surprised for a seemingly eternal moment before Ashley's body crumples, falling facedown in the flowing water. A cloud of red mars the crystal flow, expanding and moving from Ashley to Shepard, flowing around her boots.

Feeling something spin in her head and something else tighten in her chest, Shepard takes four quick steps forward, already kneeling down, wanting to help her friend although she knows it's too late for any kind of help. Before she can touch Ashley's body, it sinks into the floor beneath the water, leaving no trace except for the blood, which is already fading.

Movement in the corner of Shepard's eye, the sound of footsteps splashing through the water, as someone else steps into the light. The figure is tall and gray, skin and armor both: his face is a cross between a predator's skull and a voodoo mask. Saren.

Shepard straightens up, her hand going for the pistol at her hip - except it isn't there. She retreats with one, two unsteady steps. Saren throws his own weapon into the water and in a couple of swift strides he's right in front of her. Shepard can't seem to move quickly enough: one of Saren's three fingered hands is clamped around her throat before she can stop him, lifting her into the air. She reaches up to his hand with her own, tries to pry his fingers loose, to no effect. She gasps and struggles to draw breath. Her lungs begin to burn, and her vision starts going dark around the edges.

Saren snarls, hateful and triumphant, as his grip on her neck tightens. Then somewhere an alarm goes off: it sounds like the panic of monitoring equipment when the patient to which it's attached flatlines or seizes. For just a moment, Saren is distracted by the noise and turns his head away. He turns back just in time for Shepard's fist to hit him in the face.

That worked on Virmire - where all this water came from, where Ashley died - but Shepard was wearing armor then. With her bare hands, all she manages to do is split her knuckles on the turian's bony skull, and maybe break a couple of small bones into the bargain. Her move also angers Saren, who roars, shakes her like a rag doll, turns and takes a few running steps to slam the back of her head into the nearest wall. Pain and white stars flash across Shepard's darkening vision.

But now, held up against the wall, she has some small amount of leverage. She takes hold of Saren's wrist and lifts her legs, tucking up her knees. Shepard puts everything she's got into a kick at Saren's midsection. His light armor does little to protect him: the turian drops her, doubling over and clutching his stomach as he stumbles and retches.

Shepard collapses in a heap and gets up onto hands and knees, taking in great lungfuls of air as she does. Her vision wavers and her head screams with pain. It feels like her mind isn't properly hooked up to the rest of her, or the world outside. Some part of her knows that trying to stand up would be useless, so she crawls, although perhaps her mad, splashing scramble on all fours isn't worthy of the term. Shepard somehow makes it out to the hallway, hearing Saren roar behind her.

Somehow she gets to her feet after all: she starts to run, heading for the closed double doors at the end of the hall. She stumbles, hears Saren splashing behind her, and gains her feet again, running, pushing and tumbling through the double doors and out into blinding light...



[Tinytag: Thy Kingdom Come]

Tomorrow there will be medals, victory parades and memorials. Tomorrow.

Today the galaxy is getting its breath back, picking up the pieces, treating its wounded, counting the living and the dead.

*

Commander Colene Shepard is in the grips of an ancient nightmare - a blood-tinted vision of carnage and devastation, of cold metal scything down living flesh. It's a nightmare that she's gradually learning to live with, because there's a good chance it may be with her until she dies.

But there's something worse in the nightmare this time, an epilogue that wasn't there before. She sees Ashley impaled on a geth spike, sill living but just barely. As she watches, helpless, Ashley's armor crubles and her flesh withers and blackens until she's no more than a dessicated husk threaded with cold blue electronics. Only her pleading eyes remain unchanged...

*

Shepard wakes sitting bolt upright in bed, shivering and filmed with cold sweat. For a few frantic seconds she doesn't know where she is, and has to look around to remember. The place is a modest hotel room in the Citadel wards: a lot of Systems Alliance personnel are now bunked in such places since their barracks were mostly demolished during the recent battle.

She can hear the shower going in the attached bathroom, which explains why Kaidan isn't in bed next to her. (Technically he isn't supposed to be sharing her room: Lieutenant Alenko is under her command, after all, and this arrangement violates all sorts of regulations, but under the circumstances she has considerable leeway and there are more important things for other people to worry about than a breach of the regs against fraternization.) Part of her wishes he were here to comfort her, and part of her is glad that he isn't. She doesn't want him to see her like this. Again.

Shepard pushes the covers off, swings her feet to the floor and stands up. After performing a few habitual stretches, she starts making the bed, because she needs something to do besides think.

The sound of the shower cuts off, and less than a minute later the door opens. Shepard has her back to Alenko but she can imagine him leaning out of the doorway, his eyes on her. She doesn't turn to look at him, and the few moments of silence that pass before he speaks tell her that he knows everything. She finds she's jerked the blanket too hard and it's come untucked from the mattress.

"Bad dreams again?" It sounds like a question but it isn't.

Shepard looks over her shoulder at Alenko - his hair still damp, a towel wrapped around his waist - and nods.

He closes the distance between them in a few steps, takes her gently but firmly by the shoulders and sits her down on the bed. It's something he couldn't have managed if she didn't feel so unsteady, and he probably knows that and wouldn't have dared it otherwise. Alenko sits down beside her, reaches out to put his hand over hers. "I know you don't want to look rattled - not in front of me or anyone. But I think..." Alenko pauses, as if taking time to brace himself. "Maybe you should talk to someone."

Shepard gives him a sidelong look. "I talk to you."

Alenko nods. "Yeah, you do, but this isn't something I can help you with. Not nearly as much as I want to, anyway. You need to talk to a professional."

When she hears that, Shepard realizes that she knew it was some time coming. She sighs and passes a hand over her face. "Kaidan, maybe I do, but this really isn't the right time. My bad dreams aren't..."

"Yes they are," Alenko interrupts, unwontedly forceful. "It's serious. You know it is. And it just tears me up seeing you like -"

At that moment, mercifully, the terminal on the desk chimes. Shepard stands up, stepping around the bed and the sighing Alenko to reach it. The blinking message on the screen reads 'Incoming call: Garrus Vakarian.'

Shepard presses a few keys and answers the call, audio only. "Garrus?"

"Commander." Garrus' voice is dry, with the slight reverberation common to all turians. It sounds somehow like the voice a tomcat would speak in, if cats could talk. "I wanted to let you know that we are working on the lambda docking bays today, starting in about an hour."

"Thanks, Garrus," Shepard says.

"I also spoke to Executor Pallin," Garrus continues. "I suggested that he make a deal with those quarians who arrived a few days ago - they help us clear the debris out of Citadel space, and they get to keep whatever they salvage. He agreed."

"That's good. We need as many helping hands as we can get." Shepard's pretty impressed. Most people regard the quarians as thieves and nuisances, much the way people viewed gypsies back on Earth. Garrus must have worked hard to get Executor Pallin on board with that plan.

"I thought it was something that you would do in my position, Commander." Shepard hears Alenko chuckle warmly behind her: she smiles briefly at him before returning her attention to the monitor. "Some of the quarians are already working on the dock repairs - Tali's with them."

"I wonder if they know what she's bringing home for her Pilgrimage," Shepard speculates aloud. Then she gets back to business. "I'll be there, Garrus. Just need to stop by the Normandy for my armor and an exoskeleton mod."

"We'll see you there, Commander. Garrus Vakarian out." The call ends, and the monitor goes dark.

Shepard makes an about-face, addressing Alenko on her way to the bathroom. "We'll talk about this later, Kaidan," she says, more curtly than she intended.

Alenko doesn't reply, but the look in his eyes says yes, we will.

(Continued here.)